i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
