and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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