took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
