I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
