exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
