I hate all girls vehemently.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
