Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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