I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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