That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
even my farts smell like vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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