a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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