Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
