I think i peed on brittanys purse
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did i walk over a car last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
