dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
