The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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