when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
