He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
