There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
