I just made out with a guy for $7.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
