That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
