Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
