I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
