i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
