I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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