letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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