How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
