my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
