I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
