just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
