i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she peed on how many people?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
