You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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