my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
