remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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