I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
