i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
