walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
