were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
