i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
