I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
