Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
