too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
