I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
