I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
