he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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