you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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