You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
