I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize