weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
