No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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