break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish my penis had an off switch
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
