One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
