their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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