dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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