I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
