Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
