So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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