YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
