the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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