Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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