he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
