so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
