No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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