True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
