i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize