it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
