When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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