i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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