my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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