I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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