i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
