I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
