What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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