Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
