Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
