I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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