Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
