party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
