my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
