is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish there were birth control emojis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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