dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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