Your tits are I can't wait for
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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