you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
