i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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