I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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