So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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