i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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