How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
