I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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