Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
