My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
