im gay
i know
yea but for you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
