Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
