No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
